the "iwantabf" feeling

the "iwantabf" feeling...
...inspired by my(or "a", to be fair) best best best friend alice.

First off, the "iwantabf" feeling should not be confused with the "I want a boyfriend" feeling, nor with the "I am a hopeless romantic and want love" feeling.

I've had the iwantabf feeling many times before, but didn't have a name to put to it until I got a text on Christmas Eve. It went something along the lines of "i'm getting that iwantabf feeling again...but i know i really don't want a boyfriend. so so lame."

You see, I don't actually want to get romantically involved. I don't want to lose my mind and become really annoying (because I'm already annoying enough), and I don't want to have to deal with my parents about it. My friend continued on to say that she didn't want a boyfriend; she just wanted to have a guy to hug.

How simple and true is that? I love my family and my friends, but a boyfriend just gives you a different kind of love. It's like halfway between best friend and true love. ahhh okay now I'm leaning towards "I am a hopeless romantic and want love." Usually I fall into that category when I go to ponandzi.com or watch Secret again. DARN IT. I HATE IMAGINARY NICE PEOPLE.

Anyway, the iwantabf feeling is really annoying. It usually comes up when all of your friends have the "I want a boyfriend" feeling, but you know you're more sensible than that. And then it comes up at parties when everyone is talking about their love lives and you sit there with a nonexistent one...

The iwantabf feeling also makes it very difficult to focus on the things I want to focus on, like making positive change around me and becoming less of a pig. I can feel myself increasing in volume. I CAN FEEL IT.

now this is just becoming a complaint. dang it. and i want more food. and i dont want to get fat. and i wantabf. but i dont want a boyfriend. and i am a hopeless romantic. but i dont want to be. and i want to change the world! but i dont want to leave my chair.

i am just full of contradictions and chocolate.